Mr. 2KW
Longtime Colts Helmer First to UL Milestone
by Lance Mueller
CLEVELAND (July 27) – On this surprising cool summer day in northern Ohio the Chicago Colts cemented a victory against the hometown Barons in a fashion that has become emblematic of the team’s recent years of success, a one-run squeaker anchored by solid pitching. The 3-2 win would have been just another box score in tomorrow’s papers were it not for the fact that it also gave Chicago GM Lance Mueller his 2,000 win as the team’s leader, making him the first in United League history to achieve the feat. At a gathering of players, team personnel and media in the visitors clubhouse, Mueller stated, “I’ve spent my entire life loving the game of baseball, and the last 24 years pouring my blood, sweat and tears into this team. I am humbled by what the Colts have achieved and humbled to have been around long enough in this wonderful United League to have reached 2,000 wins as a General Manager.”

Mueller’s reign over the Colts began in a less than auspicious manner, as the team vaulted to first then stumbled down the stretch of the inaugural 1951 season and eventually finished third. That was followed by a last place finish in 1952, and a decade spent mostly in the middle of the UL pack. But as the 1960s rolled around and the Colts moved from one side of Chicago to the other, things began to fall into place. A strategy of trying to outslug their opponents was abandoned for one of get ‘em on and get ‘em in combined with stellar pitching.  The Colts ran off six consecutive West Division titles from 1961 to 1966, and captured their first UL championship in the tightly contested 1965 World Series in which they beat the Barons in seven games. After a drop from contention in the late 60s the Colts returned to form in 1970, and have won three of four potential West titles so far in the swinging '70s. All in all, Mueller has steered Chicago to four 100-win seasons, nine West Division titles, and two World Series championships in his 23+ years at the helm of the team.

And it is as a team that these 2,000 victories have really been won. The most glaring example of that: there have been 69 “Big 3” (MVP, Cy Young, ROY) individual awards handed out so far in UL history, of which Colts players have received only five, and four were claimed by two players: two-time MVP Ernie Banks and two-time Cy Young Bill Singer.  So when it comes to the baseline measure of the trophy case, team awards lead 11 (nine division titles and two league titles) to five. Perhaps Mueller put it best in wrapping up his clubhouse speech, “While I am being singled out for squiring this squad to 2,000 wins, today I stand before you not as one man but as a representative of all the men and women of this organization, all the players and coaches, all the families and all the fans, past and present, who have done their part to help this team reach this lofty goal. I thank you for letting me be part of each and every one of those wins and for letting me be a part of this great Colts team.”

One Illin’ Camp - "Hurt’s No Good"
by Charlie Qualls
 
Damn, we shoulda won, boy
A few feet from going all the way
Now we’re trying harder so much harder
I hope that we don’t come out scathed
Oops, I spoke too soon
It’s not even June
Doctor bills are through the dome lately
So inopportune
The future’s sutures now
 
(Chorus)
Hurt’s no good
X-Ray machine has a line, if you would
Sometimes gloves don’t field like they should
(Fix me)
Hurt’s no good
 
“Oh that wall looks so inviting”
Took Maddox out on April one, yeah
Cuellar’s stellar it’s so exciting
Two starts in, then the end of his fun
Donny D’s maimed too
(But that’s nothing new)
Big Daddy aches right to the bones (baby)
That’s ace number two
Don't make me fake it, uh
 
(Chorus)
Hurt’s no good
Tore a quad and now our Burt’s no good
Cecil (re) Cooper had to put down the wood
(Fudge me)
Hurt’s no good
 
I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout no sprain
‘Cept for Driessen’s thumb (so dumb)
This season shoulda been a Hoot
Now we… limp around all day long
Hobble around all day long
Ooof!
 
(Chorus)
Hurt’s no good
Splint my leg between two pieces of wood
Sometimes plans don’t land like they should
(Heal me)
Hurt’s no good
(repeat until insurance premiums paid)
 
Contender Notes:
Atlanta won five straight over Boston and Brooklyn, including three one-run games.  Jim Lonborg went the distance for a 10-hit shutout at Manhattan Aug. 7, and Bruce Dal Canton has a 1.20 ERA in his last four starts, including seven shutout innings in a 2-0 win at Fenway Aug. 11.
Cleveland's Cecil Upshaw allowed just one earned run in two emergency starts Aug. 7 and Aug. 13.  The one-time closer is 6-1 as a starter in 11 starts.  Burt Hooton has a 2.06 ERA in seven starts since returning from injury July 10.
San Francisco's Lynn McGlothlen threw punches at Atlanta's Joe Torre on Aug. 1, earning a six-game suspension.  Fifth start Vic Albury sliced his ERA to 2.88 with a 6-3 win over Montréal Aug. 15, moving to ninth in the league.
Manhattan's Steve Garvey drove in 16 runs in 14 games despite a .233 batting average. CF Gorman Thomas' average by month: .150, .200, .246, .310, .362.